My body has been doing very well. It has adapted to all the walking and is thriving with it. The first week I was doing way too much but I am now able to find the middle ground. My body is also responding to it very well, all this care. I feel very refreshed and energetic. Now the challenge is to continue with it during the rainy fall period and then winter.  My rain gear and I are so going to be good friends. My body and mind is the main focus right now. It is me telling myself that I am important and that it is loved.

There is still outer turmoil that I have to face. I am still in my tunnel albeit it feels lighter now. There have been some light coming in my dark tunnel. I am starting to feel that all life is a tunnel journey. It is how much light comes in and how we open the windows or doors that is in front of us. Then there are times when I feel that I am surfing the waves, balancing and trying not to fall in the dark murky water.

The lesson in all of this for me is to focus on what needs to be focused on and that right now is my mental and physical health. No one else will do that for me and I am the only one who can do it. Everything else is just a distraction from what needs to be done.

Monday morning I woke up early to walk the dog. It was a 3km walk and when I came home, I did my HIT at about 12 min and then another long walk about 4-5km at 1hr 30min. Then night came and I could not sleep at all!

Come Tuesday, I was of course a walking zombie. I did not do the morning walk. I was exhausted and it was my fast day. When I came home, I made dinner and went for a walk. My intention was a very long walk but I ended up only walking for 3km. All this time I said to myself I will carry on. I will not give up and I do not have to go all out. Life is about riding the waves when a big one comes towards you. Riding a wave means you have to balance yourself and do what is needed to keep in balance. For me it meant to not go all out for a long walk and kill myself in the process but a shorter one. It also meant that I had to leave the kitchen looking like a war zone. I told hubby why it looks that way and I went to bed at 9pm. I woke up at 2am and had a hard time falling asleep again.

Then there is Wednesday. I woke up early to walk the dog. I was not really rested as sleep was fitful after waking up at 2 am. I made sure I ate nutritiously with lots of green and whole wheat stuff when eating. It was going to be a long day as there was a soccer match to be watched and a long walk and HIT to be done after work. I am happy to say that I managed to get all of those in and some kitchen cleaning too. Then in bed, I was listening to my body. It has been pushed and used rather well the past few days. It now needs some slower pace for it to rest so that is exactly what I am doing on Thursday.

All this time, I have not been straining myself in exercise that would make me want to throw up. I am engaging in something that is ‘easy’ and anyone can do. It is all about baby steps and making each day a good day. I am doing all this so as to take care of my body. I put in food that would benefit the body and exercise that would make sure it continue to work as it suppose to do as the years starts to add up.

I continue to be grateful for what is given to me and the opportunity to do what is needed to be done.

I have taken the past weeks to declutter my things. To rid of things that would be a burden. I have given away to charity things that has been lying around and collecting dust. I have let go of items that is supposedly of sentimental value. I have released my fear of being alone and my fear of moving on to the next step in life. I have stopped clinging to a dream that I know is actually a nightmare. I have come to peace with the fact there is a price to pay and I have to pay that price. It was a choice I made and I stand by that choice.

I have talked to god and the universe. I have prayed to them and they have answered me. Their answers may not be what I wanted to hear but I heard what had to be said.

I have had the opportunity to use my ability to help some people. Those people have thanked me and I am glad that I could help.

My life now is a journey that I look forward to. Each day will be a new challenge and a new set of emotions that I will have to live with. I look forward to it and cant wait for it.

I also reinforced my knowledge of what stresses me or bore me. I will need to take the lesson with me when I start working and tweak how I move at work. Right now I sit too much and get very stiff shoulder, neck and hands. Here I am at home, moving more and not really having a stiff anything.  It is how my body is taken care of is really important now. I know what works and what dont so I just need to make a better effort during the times where all is dark and cold. This winter will be a wonderfull test for me to see how far I have come and how far I can go.

It will soon be a year since it all opened up to me and I have fully embraced it. I have worked on myself and is able to help other people too with it. I am able to see the joy and blessings in life even at the most terrible time in my life. I am able to see the real person and their betrayal and weakness. I am neither sad or angry about it but grateful that I am allowed to see it, joyful as I am moving forward.

My past mistakes are just that, mistakes. It has teaches me several lessons in life that I will take forward with me in my future. I no longer look back with regrets but with anticipation of the future.

This summer vacation has been one of the best in my life and I will always remember it as the one the universe answered my prayers and thought me valuable things that I would not have been able to see or connect if I still had my head burried in the sands.